


you know, like nya?

by towokuwusatsuwu



Category: Kamen Rider Ex-Aid
Genre: Crossdressing, Established Relationship, Explicit Consent, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff and Smut, Kink Exploration, M/M, Neko maid, Spanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-13
Updated: 2018-03-13
Packaged: 2019-03-30 21:32:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13960446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/towokuwusatsuwu/pseuds/towokuwusatsuwu
Summary: Emu comes home to find Parado has not only found his DVD collection but has decided to play a little dress-up for him.





	you know, like nya?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MageMew](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MageMew/gifts).



“Didn’t bring your partner with you?” The jib comes from Kiriya and Emu lifts his head from his cell phone, yelping and flying back from the table when he finds Kiriya sitting on its surface mere inches away from him. Sometimes, he forgets that Bugsters can teleport anywhere they please. “You really think it was a good idea to leave him at your apartment alone?”

Emu dusts the crumbs from the pastry he had bought at one of the vending machines to eat during his break off of his jacket and sighs pointedly at Kiriya. “You should all stop treating Parado like a little kid. He’s an adult, you know. And he’s fine.”

“I’m just saying, I figured he’d be one of the ones who would destroy the apartment and have all of the broken pieces hidden obviously under the rugs when you get home,” Kiriya says.

“First of all, Parado is a  _ Bugster, _ not a cartoon character. Second of all, I don’t have rugs.” Emu could remind Kiriya that he has carpeting, and that the two of them had ended up with nasty carpet burns one evening as a result of this, but he bites back the urge and smiles benignly instead. “Parado is adjusting well. He does chores around the apartment, he helps with the shopping, and he stopped trying to use all of my money to order every little thing he saw online two weeks ago. You should be proud of him.”

Kiriya clicks his tongue thoughtfully. “So he’s not found your stash of porn yet, then?”

Emu freezes at this thought. Like most men in their twenties, he has a subscription or two, but nothing that strange or at least nothing that anyone would be surprised at him watching. There are a few DVDs squirreled away in his bedroom, but he had hidden those after Parado had stopped living inside of his body because the last thing he wants to try to explain to his Bugster boyfriend is his own set of strange kinks and fetishes.

He does not want to entertain the idea that Parado had been around for most of his life and probably knows more about them than Emu wants to admit to. He can only be thankful that Parado had once been removed and at least before some of the more… Questionable ones.

“He hasn’t said anything about it if he has and I can’t imagine Parado being quiet about anything.” Emu says this with more confidence than he is used to. Something about Parado makes it harder to be embarrassed about how they spend their time together.

Kiriya grins at him, cocks his head to the side. “Care to share the details?”

“Coroner, the table is not a couch and you should know that.” Hiiro drops both hands down on the table hard enough that Kiriya jumps. “Emu, I need your assistance with a patient. Let’s go.”

The question should have been lost in the tumultuous day that Emu always has— hospitals are hardly quiet places— but in quiet moments he finds himself coming back to what Kiriya had asked him again and again. Had Parado found anything? Emu can’t be sure. Though he thinks that if Parado had found absolutely anything that Emu was interested in and wanted to try it out himself, he would have already broached the topic long ago. Parado seems almost like he wants to catch up on the healthy sex life they should have been having the moment they started fighting each other rather than farther down the line when anger and hatred made it easy to treat him more roughly than Emu had thought he could treat another person.

Parado gave as good as he got, at least. Emu remembers limping away from more than a few encounters before the two of them finally ended up on the same page.

By the time he heads home for the night, he finds himself almost on edge about the question. If Parado had found any of his DVD collection, he had said nothing about it. The thought he might have found it and it freaked him out is a hard one to wrap his head around, but Emu keeps reminding himself that as similar as the two of them are, they are also two different people.

He walks through the front door of the apartment they share, pausing just in the entrance way when he doesn’t find Parado either sitting on the floor in front of the television or sprawled across the couch with a handheld console. “Parado? Where are you hiding?”

“In the kitchen!” The response is almost sing-song in answer and Emu breathes a sigh of relief, shrugging out of his coat and hanging it up on the back of the door, kicking off his shoes to trade them for slippers. “I left the dishes a little late. Come and tell me about your day!”

Kiriya must have made him more paranoid than he expected to feel because Emu hesitates at this request, trying to think back to the last time Parado had asked him about his day. Usually, Parado is either too distracted to ask questions or is too busy throwing himself on Emu like an excited puppy to ask about the hospital. That, and most of that work doesn’t interest him. He likes helping to fight the Bugster virus, but that’s where his interest in medicine ends.

_ Stop acting this way, _ he tells himself.  _ He finally does something nice and the first thing you do is start to think he found your weird porn collection. You need to calm down. _

Emu drops his bag on the couch and walks down the short hallway to the kitchen, the rest of the apartment mostly dark except for the yellow rectangle of light painted on the wall by the kitchen light. “Hiiro-san needed my help with a patient today,” he says, thinking that he might as well start with the most interesting story he has to tell. “It was interesting, actually, and I—”

When Emu rounds the corner and finds Parado in front of the sink, he freezes.

Parado usually keeps to his standard clothing like any video game character would, the only exceptions tending to be when they had sex or when he slept (nude, usually). Emu has seen him lounging around in some of his t-shirts and he knows Parado steals his underwear occasionally, but he’s grown used to expecting a certain aesthetic out of the Bugster. Which is why the black and white maid costume steals his breath away.

The skirt is short, barely succeeding in covering the tops of Parado’s thighs, white lace underneath black that draws Emu’s eyes downward instantly. Parado has long legs and this is made even more painfully clear by the garter straps trailing from beneath the shirt, clinging to his thighs and holding up a pair of black sink stockings that cling to every curve lovingly. They end in cute black shoes, polished to a high shine.

Parado turns to look at him and cocks his head, giving Emu an eyeful of the rest of the outfit. The white apron, the band that gathers around his waist, the ruffles and lace and the cut-out on his chest in the shape of a cat’s head that shows soft pale skin. It takes him a moment to notice why the maid outfit would have anything cat-themed attached to it until he notices the black band around Parado’s throat with its gleaming silver bell or the pair of fluffy black pointed ears that stick straight up from his curls. Emu’s eyes dart down against his will to find that he entirely missed the black cat’s tail that disappears somewhere into the outfit but twitches and flicks like it functions as a part of Parado’s body.

What in the fuck had he found that led to him dressing up like a neko maid?

“You’re speechless.” Parado preens under the attention, tucking a hand behind his head, striking a pose that makes Emu make a small choked noise. “I’m glad. It took a lot of work to come up with this, you know. I think you take for granted how long coding myself takes.”

“I— I… Y-you’re… Oh, fuck.” Emu feels like he might swallow his tongue at this rate, hands scrambling to grip the doorframe so he has something to hold onto. “Parado—”

“You should have just told me you were interested in things like this. It’s cute, you know?” Parado curls his fingers into a fist, tilts it like a cat’s paw and Emu feels his knees weaken beneath him. “I had to find out from your porn collection.”

“You found my DVDs.” Emu wonders, distantly, if Kiriya might have picked up some form of ability to tell the future upon his various other Bugster skills and talents.

Parado smiles at him, bright white teeth. “Of course I did. I was bored and looking for something to play, and I just stumbled across them. I didn’t watch more than a couple of them just to get an idea of the aesthetic. I’ve spent all day coding this for you.”

“You left the dishes late on purpose,” Emu blurts out.

“Duh. It’s what you like, isn’t it? Maids aren’t really maids unless they clean.” Parado turns back to the sink with a tempting sway of his hips, his tail curling around his upper thigh. “You know, it’s not appropriate to look at your employees in such a way, Hojo-san.”

The tone of his voice shifts just subtly but Emu picks up on it and feels the floor drop out from under him, white knuckling the doorframe to keep his balance when gravity abruptly tries to take him down with it. Parado hums to himself as he works, a song from a game Emu knows he has been playing recently, but the song itself doesn’t matter. What does matter is the back-and-forth sway of his hips, the fact that the skirt might be short but it still hides everything beneath— And the promise of what may lie beneath there makes Emu’s blood burn.

“What way would that be?” Emu’s voice croaks a little at first but he slowly straightens, trying to put some authority into his voice even though the last time he had done any roleplaying had been back in college, and it had been awful. “I think you enjoy it, Parado. You can’t tell me the way you’re dressed is efficient. One wrong movement—”

He grips the bottom of Parado’s shirt in one hand, inching it up his thighs just a little, fingertips dragging along the backs of Parado’s thighs.

“And this loses what little modesty it had.” He’s tempted to flip the skirt up to see what Parado has waiting for him underneath but leaves it, smoothing the skirt back into place over Parado’s ass. “You should have had the dishes done before I came home, naughty kitten.”

He swears that Parado has to bite back a snort at that and his face burns slightly but then Parado looks down at him, batting long black lashes down at him. “I’m sorry, Hojo-san! There was just so much to do today. Are you going to have to punish me for being slow?”

“Of course I do. You have to learn that when you decide to drag your feet, you have to deal with the consequences.” Emu smacks his ass through the skirt, not hard enough to do anything but startle him, and this time Parado looks slightly surprised. “Finish the dishes and come up to the bedroom. I think I know exactly how to teach you a lesson.”

The speed at which Parado can accomplish a task when sex is on the line is impressive; he finishes the dishes in record time and neatly dries his hands before turning to Emu, folding his hands in front of him, tucking his chin down against his chest in his best impression of looking regretful. Emu swallows hard at the sight and takes it in for just a moment; even his ears droop a little, and Emu almost wants to pet them. But not now. Not yet.

He leads Parado to the bedroom on the other side of the apartment, turning on the bedside lamp instead of the overhead light for what little ambiance he gets out of a slightly dimmer light. Parado comes to stand beside the bed and Emu debates; there are a dozen or so punishments he knows that work on Parado just fine, but tried and true spanking is the most attractive option right now. The thought of Parado squirming on his lap while he gets his hand under that skirt and can finally see what’s underneath is tantalizing.

“Across my lap,” he says, sitting down on the edge of the bed and patting his lap. Parado hesitates, doing his best doe-eyed expression to date. “You were late, Parado, and that means you have to face your punishment.”

Parado makes a soft, pitiful mewling noise and Emu is embarrassed at how hard his dick gets from that alone. “But sir, I won’t be slow next time. I promise!”

“Promises in the face of punishment aren’t going to sway me.” Emu adds a hard edge to his voice and Parado’s eyes glitter, his lips pulling back from his teeth just slightly. Parado likes him like this, likes him closer to the person Parado had once known. “Across. My. Lap.”

The eagerness with which Parado clambers onto the bed and stretches across his lap might have ruined the fantasy for anyone else but Emu’s eyes are on the bottom of the skirt. As soon as Parado stretches comfortably across his lap, head rested on his folded arms, Emu runs a hand down his back, over his ass, toying with the lacy bottom of the skirt before skipping down to his thighs. The garters are a little tight, biting into his flesh enough to make Emu’s mouth water at the sight, but they look so good against his skin.

“Remember, kitten, you’re being punished because you thought you could take as much time as you wanted to to get your chores done, and that isn’t acceptable. I expect more out of you.” Emu curls his fingers in the edge of the skirt, teasing himself, dragging it up Parado’s thighs at a pace that would normally kill him but now only makes his pulse pound firmly against his throat. “You’ll take fifteen smacks from my hand, and you’re going to count them. Understood?”

Parado squirms, pressing down against where Emu’s cock is already pushing against the front of his pants. “Yes, sir,” he says, twisting around to look up at Emu with wide, eager eyes.

Emu puts a hand on the back of his head and pushes his face back into the bedspread, his fingers finding the back of one of Parado’s ears, following it down to the top of his head. So, not a costume in totality, then. Bugster coding really is interesting. “Don’t look at me. You don’t get to make pitiful begging faces up at me to escape your punishment.”

“Understood, sir,” Parado says, his voice already breathy and soft.

With that taken care of, Emu pulls the skirt up around Parado’s waist and bites down so hard on his tongue he tastes blood at the sight beneath. The black lace matches the rest of the outfit nicely, the thong entirely invisible swallowed up by the cheeks of his ass with only the waistband and the first few centimeters drawing down to his ass visible at all. His kitty cat tail emerges just above the waistband, and Emu realizes he’s probably going to have it in his way.

He catches the tail in his hand, startled at how warm and alive it feels, before giving it a gentle tug that makes Parado twitch. “Hold onto your tail so I don’t smack it.”

“Yes, sir.” Parado obediently takes the tail, pinning it to the mattress beneath his fingers.

Emu smoothes his hand over Parado’s ass, taking one last moment to admire how the lace looks against his skin before he brings his palm down on one cheek, hard enough that the smack echoes in the small room. Parado jumps and yelps, the shock in that sound suggesting he had no idea it would hurt so much. Emu smiles a little at that and soothes the red spot left behind with his fingers.

“One, sir,” Parado says, his ass lifting just a little, a signal for more.

This is a rhythm Emu knows all too well; Parado likes the edge of pain and the discipline more than he maybe knows how to say in words. Maybe he genuinely wants to atone for some of the horrible shit he had done when they were still enemies, or maybe he just likes being rightfully put in his place for being a playful asshole most of the time. Emu has no idea, but he knows he gets off on the sting building up in his palm, the way Parado’s ass pinks, then reds, under his hand.

“F-fifteen, sir.” Parado is out of breath and squirming, grinding his obvious erection into Emu’s thigh, and Emu thinks about the lace and wonders how much that texture is doing for him. “E-Emu—”

“No.” Emu brings his hand down once more, lighter than before, a warning more than anything else but Parado still keens pitifully. “Take off the maid outfit and the thong.”

The request is more of a test than anything else; Emu has a question on his mind and leans back, hands braced on the mattress and trying to ignore the raging boner he has at the sight of Parado stumbling to his feet, his face as flushed as his ass, his eyes bright and hazy at the same time. His feet slip a little on the hardwood in just stockings but he steadies himself as he pixelates the clothing away, standing before Emu in nothing but the garter belt and the stockings. His cock is hard and swollen, pre-come already beading at the tip.

“Come stand in front of me and then turn around,” Emu instructs.

He can see the barely-disguised frustration in Parado’s eyes as he does as he’s told, spinning a little on his toes, his tail almost smacking Emu in the face probably on purpose. In this position, Emu has the perfect eye-level view of Parado’s ass. He might not be able to bruise or bleed but Parado has learned how to adjust his coding for the bedroom.

Emu sits up, wraps an arm around Parado’s waist and buries his face in his ass, keeping Parado still when the Bugster whines and writhes. He knows it must hurt still, must be sore, so he laves over the abused skin with his tongue and lips until Parado quiets into soft, curious moans.

Emu usually bottoms. He likes to be in control, still, of course, and Parado is lazier in the bedroom than anyone has ever slept with, so he usually just lies back and lets Emu do the heavy lifting. There had been an instance or two of Emu teasing Parado about being a living sex toy and Parado had responded, just that once, by fucking Emu so hard he hadn’t been able to walk properly for a few days. Taiga had made jokes. Hiiro had been appalled.

But Emu has no intentions of letting Parado top tonight, not after marking up his ass so nicely and not when he has fantasies of those stockinged legs wrapped around him.

“Stop making so much noise,” he says, though he doesn’t mean it as he licks straight up from just behind Parado’s balls to just over the tight pucker of his hole.

Parado moans louder in answer, which Emu thinks is fair, and then works on getting his tongue past the ring of muscle here. They’ve played a few times but nothing larger than a few prostate massagers have been past this point; Parado grinds back into his face, clearly enjoying himself enough that Emu thinks they might be able to do this again. He keeps his arm around Parado’s waist and licks up inside of him, pushing his tongue in deeper and deeper, only a little jarred when Parado pushes his hips back hard enough that it almost hurts.

Emu gives as good as he gets, though, shoving his own fingers into his mouth to wet them with spit enough to ease the passage. Parado opens up better than Emu would have thought given how few times he’s gotten the opportunity to play with Parado’s ass, but Parado keeps reminding him that Bugsters are special and they can do anything with their bodies.

Maybe Emu needs to capitalize on this more often then.

“Hold on, sir.” Parado’s voice takes on a seductive tone that has Emu reeling back, two fingers still as deep in him as he can get them, surprised Parado can manage anything like a stable sentence when he’s been grinding back on Emu’s hand and whining at him. “Let me please you.”

As soon as Emu pulls his fingers free, Parado is on his knees in one graceful twist and fall, his knees spread wide on the floor to account for how hard he is, how desperate his body is. He gets Emu’s fly open in seconds and pulls his cock out, wrapping both hands around it with a wicked little smile that sets Emu on edge. Not that that smile hasn’t meant notoriously good things, but Parado has a twisted sense of humor and the last thing Emu wants to do is test that when Parado’s hands are on his dick.

“There are so many interesting features of cats that I considered adding into this, you know.” Parado tilts his head and drags just the tip of his tongue along the side of Emu’s dick, and Emu’s entire body shudders in response. The texture… Isn’t as rough as a cat’s, but it’s similar in a way. “It would be a shame if you couldn’t properly appreciate my skill.”

He has no gag reflex to speak of but he goes slowly just the same, taking Emu’s cock between his soft pink lips centimeter by centimeter, curling his tongue around the head of Emu’s cock, lapping at the pre-come this draws like a kitten with a bowl of cream. His eyes gleam bright and dark at the same time as he slowly bobs his head, and Emu hisses because the texture of his tongue almost hurts, but it doesn’t, riding an edge that makes him tense up, makes him fist his hands in the bedsheets.

Parado has the upper edge here. He takes Emu down his throat until his nose brushes Emu’s pubic hair, looking up at him through his lashes, all too pleased with himself for this. When he bobs his head, he keeps the motion smooth and slow, drawing out each suck, hollowing his cheeks in an uneven rhythm so Emu can never predict it and finds himself hissing and groaning, head falling back. Parado had been able to turn this around so quickly; Emu doesn’t know if he can turn it back.

_ Ears, _ some part of him thinks distantly, and it takes a moment for his foggy brain to catch up to the idea.  _ You fucking idiot. Pet his ears. _

His hand is shaking and twitching when it comes to rest on top of Parado’s head, fingers splayed between his ears carefully so as not to touch either one of them. When he glances down, Parado’s eyes are closed; his focus is solely on Emu’s cock and on making this blowjob the most exquisite torture he possibly can. Just like him to do something so evil.

Emu is careful as he cups a hand around the back of Parado’s hear, running the pads of his fingers over the soft fur. The appendage twitches and he sucks in a breath at how stupidly cute that looks, how unfairly adorable Parado looks with ears at all when he’s sucking Emu’s cock for all he’s worth. Then his fingers dip down toward the base and he  _ scritches. _

The reaction is not instant, but it builds up slowly, bit by bit. Parado’s sucking and licking becomes sloppier and Emu smiles triumphantly around his moans, deepening the rubbing and scratching until a full-blown purr builds up in Parado’s throat, vibrating around his cock better than any toy ever has before. He watches, surprised, as Parado’s eyes roll back in his head, as he slumps off of Emu’s cock, dribbling spit and pre-come down his chin, and lays his head on Emu’s thigh, looking up at him with half-closed eyes.

“Fucking cheater,” he breathes out.

“It’s not my fault you didn’t read the instructions first,” Emu tells him, and Parado bats at his thigh and then mewls softly, pressing up into his hand. It gives him the advantage he needs to drag Parado up onto the bed and put Parado beneath him, and maybe it is a little dirty to take advantage of Parado when he is so totally boneless with pleasure. “I’m fucking you tonight.”

Parado hums at him, stretching on the sheets before spreading his thighs obscenely wide. “It’s your fantasy, M. I’m just here to make it come to life.”

“You’re my fantasy,” Emu tells him, and it feels stupid in his head and sounds even worse coming out, but the way Parado looks at him for it makes him feel a little better for it.

There’s lube in the top drawer of his nightstand and he grabs a bottle, making a mess of his cock more than actually applying it like he has a brain in his head. His hands are shaking and there’s no finesse when it comes to something like this, and he feels like such an idiot for being able to handle surgeries and high pressure tournaments better than he can sex with Parado. He steadies his hand just enough to slick Parado open with two fingers, curling them inside of him, ghosting over his prostate just to hear him whine, watch him arch his hips up.

The reality is better than the fantasy has ever been; Emu works his cock inside in slow and easy thrusts, his eyes falling shut as he revels in the heat of Parado’s lush ass and the way his muscles squeeze Emu exquisitely. Parado himself moans and arches his back just like a cat, taking more of Emu inside of him with the motion before he wraps long and lovely legs around Emu’s waist, crossing his ankles neatly in the small of Emu’s back.

“This is so fucking cute,” Emu tells him, wiping his hand on the bedspread before he runs his fingers over one stocking, teasing where the lacy top bites into Parado’s thigh. “You’re so cute.”

“Shut up and fuck me, Emu,” Parado says, undulating against him.

Emu shuts up and fucks him.

He starts slow because he can, because he has plenty of time and they have all night if they really want it. Easy thrusts, back and forth to open Parado up and to get him used to the feeling of being filled so much and stretched wide. He makes little gasping noises, his eyes screwed shut, fingers twisting in the pillowcase beneath his head before he wraps his arms around Emu’s shoulders, caging Emu in his limbs. This feels almost like before in some ways, Emu thinks. When the two of them were one in the same body.

Because Parado is dedicated enough to the fantasy, he mixes in little mewls around his moans, and Emu almost hates himself for how that sound makes his thrusts harder, how it quickens his pace and encourages him to shift his position until his cock finds Parado’s prostate on almost every stroke. He knows Parado’s body better than he knows his own, knows to duck his head so he can bite down on Parado’s shoulder, a mark that won’t be there by morning but that makes Parado buck his hips up, dragging his weeping cock across Emu’s abs.

“You okay, kitten?” Emu laps at the teeth marks he leaves behind with his tongue, sucking hard on the skin until Parado yowls and jerks his legs tighter around Emu’s waist. “Parado.”

“It’s so fucking good, M, you feel so good.” Parado’s fingernails dig into his shoulders and Emu almost imagines claws as they drag down his back, ensuring he will have red marks in the morning. “Touch me please. ‘M so hard it almost hurts.  _ Please, _ M.”

Emu balances himself on a forearm, his thrusts losing their rhythm not that it seems to matter to Parado when Emu wraps a hand around his cock, uses leftover lube and pre-come to jerk Parado off to match the movement of his own hips. His hand strokes up every time their hips come together and Parado yowls again, throws his head back into the pillows and digs his nails so hard into Emu’s back he swears he feels blood.

“Emu,” Parado sighs, his voice high-pitched and desperate and straining.

The request isn’t spoken in words but Emu smiles against his neck, hearing it just the same. “Come for me, kitty cat.”

Parado cries out when he comes, his ass a vice around Emu’s cock that pulls his orgasm along until their bodies jerk together, riding out the waves of pleasure together until neither of them can move. Emu settles on top of Parado, their sweat-slicked skin hot and flushed, and lays his head on Parado’s chest, listening to the frantic sound of his heartbeat. Parado clings to him for a few minutes before slowly unwinding himself from Emu’s body, stretching out beneath him.

“You’re sweaty,” he says, pushing at Emu’s shoulder. “Off me.”

“You’re sweaty, too, brat.” Emu pulls out of him carefully and rolls over onto his back, covering his eyes with his forearm. “Shower? Or, not, wait. I know you don’t need it, but the oil?”

Parado hums before patting him lazily on the top of the head. “That would be nice.”

Emu finds the oil in the nightstand as well and Parado drapes himself across Emu’s lap once more, this time for aftercare instead of punishment. The oil soothes his skin and eases the burn, not that he needs it because by morning, he won’t even be feeling the effects of the sex any longer. Emu will still have marks; his back stings in the air as his sweat rapidly cools, and he can only imagine how soap running into the wounds is going to feel.

“I really enjoyed that, Emu,” Parado informs him, kicking his feet back and forth in the air. “If you want to do that more, we can. Experiment, I mean, but also the neko maid idea.”

Emu’s cock twitches in interest and he shakes his head at himself.  _ For the love of God, calm down. _ “Sounds good to me. Okay, you’re all taken care of. Shower time.”

Parado refuses to get rid of the ears and tail. Emu pretty much has to fuck him in the shower.


End file.
